Bisexual Shame

This week’s guest blog is written by Neale Taylor from the “Mariel Cove” writing team. Neale has been fascinated with psychology, drama and women since she was fourteen years old. She enjoys swimming, is a Pinterest addict and avid MMORPG gamer. Neale lives with her daughter in California. She writes the characters Tal, Madison, Aidan and Mikayla.

When the we were assigned our characters for Mariel Cove, we were given basic facts: occupation, age, ethnicity. We were then charged with the task of turning those facts into real, identifiable, three-dimensional people. I started making lists of my characters’ info: Name, eye color, hair color, height, build, sexual orientation…

Wait. What? Isn’t this a lesbian series? Why wouldn’t all of the characters be lesbian?

There were some things about my characters that I knew immediately: Tal had just lost her grandfather. Aidan was a bartender, keeping her turbulent past from almost everyone. Madison was a mother.

That brought up a question for me: How had Madison come to have her two boys? Had she used a fertility clinic? Had she used the proverbial turkey baster? In a day and age when lesbian moms are everywhere—the PTA, the grocery store, even ABC Family—I wanted Madison’s story to be authentic. I wanted her story to be something that I knew. I wanted her story to be more complicated and messy, because sexual orientation can be very complicated and messy.

I decided that she was bisexual. She had been married to a man very young, had become pregnant and abandoned by the man she had loved. Instead of “scorned woman turns her back on men” I wanted “scorned woman grows and matures but stays true to herself.” Because one person, man or woman or a thousand variations in between, doesn’t—and shouldn’t—change who you are.

And after seeing bisexual characters in the media be the brunt of every joke, I wanted to take the challenge of writing one who was a real person, who wasn’t some sort of comic relief. Bisexual people, and characters, are told to “pick a side” or “make up your mind.” Why would we ostracize part of our LGBTQ family?

One of the only bisexual characters in the L Word, Alice, makes this comment to Dana as she’s dying in the hospital: “You’re right. Bisexuality is gross.” This is one of more than a handful of biphobic comments and punchlines in the series. Tina—the other main bisexual character—even denies being bisexual as she’s dating Henry. “I still identify as a lesbian.” And then a moment later, “Actually, I think of lesbian as a political identity, to tell you the truth.”

In Glee, the only bisexual identified character, Brittany, enforces one of the other biphobic stereotypes: Bisexuals are sluts/promiscuous. In one episode, Brittany gives gay male Kurt the opportunity to “tap this” so that she can have a perfect record of making out with everyone at McKinley High.

Now, keep in mind here, I’m trying to make a point. I’m not saying that Brittany is a slut, nor am I saying that if you have a lot of sex or kiss a lot are you a slut. I’m making a point that another major, influential TV show is perpetuating, so don’t get your panties (briefs, thongs or boxers) in a bunch :)

What does this lead to? For me, it has me rarely identifying to others as anything other than lesbian… Even though I’ve had relationships with men, which I won’t disqualify because they happened before I came “out.” Yes, now I have found the confidence to be proud about loving women, and yes, I feel more attracted to women than to men. I’ve jokingly told friends that I’m definitely a 4.5 on the Kinsey scale.

That shouldn’t, however, invalidate any feelings I might have towards men. And it shouldn’t make me “less than” or “gross.” I shouldn’t have to feel ashamed of who I know I’ve been, who I am at my core, since I was eleven years old.

I am not confused.

I am not promiscuous.

This is not a phase, or a stepping stone.

And I refuse to be ashamed any longer.

For more on this topic, see:

http://www.afterellen.com/TV/2008/2thelwordbisexuality

http://www.alternet.org/story/149710/9_stupid_myths_about_bisexuals_that_will_make_you_laugh

http://mustangdaily.net/bisexual-men-the-illusion-of-choice/